Chip and Shelby: Christmas Day
One of my other good friends, Judy Houghton, scolded me the other day, asking me why I have not updated my site in forever. She said to me "your always nagging at me, saying how much people like to see new photos and updates, not the same old boring stuff.". Well, the answer to her question is complitcated, so here goes.
First of all, my Mother Nancy, passed away on the 11th of November. She had bone cancer, but her death was unexpected. The doctors say she may have had a blood clot, but they don't really know. Everything that day happened in such a whirlwind. At 9 am I was at the doctor with her and by noon, she was gone. For those of you who know me, you may have met my mom, she and I did so much together. She made it possible for me to get my first horse when I was in 6th grade. She sacrificed so much so that I could have my dream. Christmas came and with it, a new saddle, which she saved for for six months. She went to EVERY horse show, was there for the birth of my daughter Shelby, and pretty much, a day hasn't gone by in all my 40 years that I haven't talked to her. She spent a lot of her time here at my house, loved the horses, and was so proud of us. I sit here now with tears rolling down my cheeks just thinking about her and how much I miss her. She was the one, that I knew in my heart, loved me no matter what. No conditions, not ever, she just always loved me.
My Mom and Me
I was with her in her last moments which was such a blessing and also a curse for me. I have held so much comfort in actually hearing her say the words "I'm ready to go, I've been praying that God would take me." I sat with her and watched her go, it was so fast that I barely had time to call my sister and tell her. They were able to speak before she passed, and her last words were that she loved us so much.
After all of this, I just haven't been able to find a good place to pick up and move forward. I have put all of my horsey ventures on the back burner and have been struggling to just get through my chores each day. I keep waiting for it to feel "right" to start getting back into a good rhythm, somedays it feels okay and somedays it doesn't. I have made it through the Holidays, and done fairly well. It seems to hit me at different times, unexpected times, that I will never hear her voice again. Sometimes the feeling just swallows me.
My Mom and the Grandkids. Riverfront Park 09
2009 has not been a good year for me in many ways, and in other ways I feel so blessed. We had record snowfall in January, 97 inches total. Those of you with horses know how hard chores can be in the snow. Chip fell off a roof in January and injured his rotator cuff in both shoulders, then in Feb. we found out he had an 80% blockage in his LAD in his heart. This is so serious, they call it the Widow Maker! This really freaked me out, but he had a stent put in and is now doing great. He had rotator cuff surgery in June and just went back to work in Nov. My good friend Gail was diagnosed with Leukemia about a month ago. We lost my Mom, and then lost Chip's uncle two days before Christmas.
Even though I have had some of the hardest times of my life this year, I also had some of the greatest blessings. We had the opportunity to purchase Jumping Jack Whiz. This was made possible by Kevin Rosenbaum. I feel HONORED to know him and call him my friend. JJ is a great blessing, he has even packed me to a couple of shows this last fall. I used to show all the time, but with the breeding business, I haven't shown in about 5 years. I made it to two shows with JJ and plan on doing more with him this Spring, Summer and Fall. I am actually quite excited about it. Thanks so much to Eddie Biegler and family for helping an old barrel racer into the new scary reining world! Eddie and family have been SO kind to us, and we feel we have friends for life. Another blessing, Chip was spared a massive heart attack by experiencing some very odd symptoms, not common to his blockage. We are SO blessed that God gave us a warning and we were smart enough to listen to him! We had a fantastic breeding year despite the poor economy in our Nation, something I do not take lightly. I turned 40 a few days ago, and am happy to have made it here! And last, the death of my Mother...yes, another blessing. We were spared end stage bone cancer. I cannot even imagine the heartache both my mother and our family were spared by her going when she did.
Jumping Jack Whiz-I still can't believe he's ours!
So, as I close I just want you all to know how much I love each of you and how close I hold you to my heart. All of your calls and notes were appreciated so much more than I can say. So many good friends and the best family ever. Please take the time to bury your face in your horse's necks and just take a deep breath, hug your kids and love your family and friends. I'm back.....I think!!!
